|
New Airline Idea: Stank Surcharge |
|
Sunday, 21 September 2008 |
You know, there should really be a law banning smelly people from flying on airoplanes. It doesn't even have to be federal. It could be something individual airlines cook up just as US Airways and many others are charging $15 and up for carry on luggage so can they have, at a minimum, a surcharge on stinky, smelly ass, people.
The more I think of it the more I am certain! There should absolutely be a penalty! I'm not just suggesting this because seated next to me is an overweight old hag in cut off sleeves who's armpits smell like three day old trunk baby, or as Casey Anthony (the crazy bitch) calls it, 3 day old pizza. I'm writing this because I'm proactive and a strong believer of capitalism.
Here's a way to save America's nostrils and bail out the airline industry. At the same time!!!
So, how would one go about implementing this? Is it feasible you ask? I thought you'd never!
Stage 1: Awareness
In the first few months of the roll out we would see the nations TFA security workers being supplemented by ass and ball sweat sniffing dogs. They'd be vicious and on short leashes. While the smelly culprit walks through the metal detectors the dogs would go insane. Flashing teeth, foaming at the mouth, ready to dine! There would be no surcharge involved during stage one! It does send a message: if you bring your smelly ass to the airport we reserve the right to fuck your shit up.
Stage 2: Hit those smelly bastards in the pockets!
Let the surcharges begin! At this point the airlines would install reactive paper at all the kiosks and counters. Kind of like the chemical agent detectors, except these would activate by changing from a black to a very bright green when the smell of filth is detected. Of course it would take at least a minute to activate, ensuring only the person at the counter is being checked. With the culprit identified, the airline would charge $20.
Stage 3: Special frequent stinker program
Every time someone came up "hot" their name would be recorded on a master database. Come up hot 50 % of the time and they'd be seated in the back of the plane with all the other nasty bastards. That way we could all fly comfortably since apparently they're immune to the smell of shit. So let them brew together in the back while we mockingly throw shit at them from the front of the plane.
My plan would not only increase the revenue of airlines, it would also make flying for all the non slobs that much more comfortable. And in the case of this old bitch next to me who keeps raising her arms every few minutes to stretch - I'd get to punch her in the fucking liver every time!
|
Saturday, 31 July 2010
, smelly ass, shat diaper, baby ride!
Home | News | Reviews | The Web Links | Contact Us | Administrator |